She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
how does that bad decision feel?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
