everyone is single if you try hard enough
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
