i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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