You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
