wrigley field is MILF paradise
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
