I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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