I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
