New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
