As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
