I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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