I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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