She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
