he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
pop tarts are not kleenex
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
