I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
