they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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