He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You ruined the universe
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
