I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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