i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Can Purell be used as lube?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Randomize
