U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
