Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
