You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
