"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
