I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You made out with two different species that night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
