I have demons in me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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