What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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