once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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