...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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