He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
