We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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