So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
there's paper in my vomit.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
