Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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