I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
