Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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