Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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