I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
