my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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