jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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