We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
