He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
