I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
