I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
