The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
