hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
