i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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