I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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