Redeem this text for a blowjob
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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