The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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