my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
