I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
