The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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