I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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