just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
