My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
being pregnant is like rehab
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
