I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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