I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
