My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
