My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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