i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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