hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
