you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
