i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
