Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
